Backward Chaining

One of the most dreaded tasks here at the Wright house has long been the nightly bathing of our girl-child. It has been a major source of frustration for us all. Not only does she hate having to do it (she gets frustrated and quickly loses focus), but it falls at the worst time: the end of the day when everyone is tired from school and work and we are rushing to get everyone fed and bathed, homework done and lunches packed before bedtime while the baby has reached her fussy time and is screaming, causing the dog to start barking and me to want to throw in the towel and move us all to France where we can just splash on the eau de toilet and say to heck with frequent bathing. The easier thing to do is to just bathe her myself, letting her play under the water while I do all the scrubbing and rinsing. But since one of the main points of parenting is to prepare our little ducklings for life on their own, and since I know she is capable of self-care, she has to learn at somepoint snd with the arrival of her baby sister, so came that point. However, we soon found that the harder we pushed her, the more frustrated she (and in turn, we) became and bathtime only got worse, typically ending in her breaking down and her dad or I having to finish bathing her. I mentioned our dilemma to our beloved Dr. Le during one session and she recommended we try something called backward chaining. Basically, it just means breaking down a process into steps and teaching the steps from last to first, one at a time, before moving back to the next step, so that each attempt ends successfully, building confidence with experience. Since each attempt ends on a positive note with praise, the dreaded task becomes less dreaded for all.  Here's how we applied the theory of backward chaining to shower time. 

We broke shower time down into 12 steps. (Looking back now, we probably should have added "get into shower" and maybe reversed steps 1 & 2, but oh well.) 

Having the list written on the shower wall in bathtub crayon (washes off with a little scrubbing) has helped tremendously as my girl-child is a visual learner and also because it takes away the stress of "what comes next?" and helps her to stay focused.

 The first night, I did the first 11 steps for her and then had her turn the water off (step 12). I praised her big and she was proud that she had done well. The next night, I completed the first 10 steps for her and then she rinsed t & b (tootie & booty [step 11]), turned off the water (step 12) and received another big praise. "Hey, this isn't so hard!," we started thinking. We will continue this process, adding in one step each night, until she is doing it all on her own. We were advised to wait until we had mastered just the shower (keep things as simple as possible!) before we made a whole new backward chaining process for the "after shower" tasks of drying off, combing hair, etc. 

 To keep up with our progress and add in motivational rewards along the way , we made the chart below (I'm obviously no artist but it serves its purpose).

We drew the chart in timeline fashion and we work our way back from right to left. After she completes each step, she gets to "take ownership" of it's completion by drawing a picture of choice (checkmark, smiley , etc.) in the box for that step. After each few steps, there is a reward. After the first 5 steps were mastered, we had "UNO Night at the Wright House". After mastering the next 3 steps, she got her choice of a toy, bowling or Zen-Beri yogurt. (Last week was insanely busy so we will have our Zen-Beri date this week and then fill in that box as right now she's still owed that reward.) We are now only 2 steps away from her doing it all by herself. Tonight, I will just turn the water on for her (step 1) and she will do the rest. While I may still have to give her some verbal cues along the way, I will give those less and less each shower as I also reduce my physical proximity during the shower. I've started leaving the room instead of hovering over her and just sticking my head in at times to make sure she is still on task. She will earn a park play date with ice cream for herself and a friend when she completes all 12 steps on her own and when she does the whole shower process on her own 4 times (without verbal cues), she gets the big doozie reward of a trip to her choice of water park. 

 So far, this process has helped us tremendously and I have been excited to share because while it seems so simple now, I never would have thought of it on my own. She no longer goes straight into, "I can't do it"-meltdown mode because she has already done everything  except the 1 new task for the night and she knows it will be a simple one. If we do have trouble with a step, we just try it again the next night and don't get upset about it. The main thing to remember is to keep it positive!

Father's Day Gifting

This will be Father's Day #2 without The Man. They say it gets easier. So far, I still think they are full of it. It does not get easier. It never hurts less, just in a different way that you learn to live with. I still miss everything about my dad every single day. I most especially miss his advice. There are many times when I know exactly what he would tell me to do or not do to (Should I get an anchor tattoo in his memory? Ummmm...NO. I can just hear him telling me that money needs to be spent on my kids), but sometimes, I'm not so sure. I most especially wish I could get his advice on the girl-child and her diagnosis. I wonder if he'd say I was doing the right thing or if I should just let her be. He thought she hung the moon and I'm sure he would have had something to say about the subject. I just wish I knew what.

 Not long before my dad died, we were inspired by a church sermon and afterward had a heart to heart. He told me how proud he was of me. He told me he thought I was doing a great job with the girl-child. I told him how proud I was of him and named all the reasons. Best gifts we ever gave each other, right there.

 I wish I could hear him talk. He loved telling me stories about growing up in Tennessee and about being in the Navy. He use to force anyone who came near our house to watch his old Navy slides on a projector. I wish I could hear or atleast remember every one of those stories now.  

 So for those of you who still have your dads, my advice for you for tomorrow would be to forgo the neckties, golf clubs, etc., or atleast, in addition to those gifts, give your dad what he really wants from you and what you really need to give him:

1. Ask his advice on everything you can think to ask. You will need it later, believe me. Ask him about anything you may think you might ever need to know, just in case. He will be glad to know you value his opinion.

2. Tell him why he's awesome. Or write it.  After we lost Dad, we were going through his desk and found a card I'd given him that told him how much he meant to me. He'd kept it where he kept all his other important documents. I also have the comfort of having had that Sunday afternoon heart-to-heart. It means more to me now to know he knew. 

3. Spend some time with him, listening to whatever he wants to talk about. I don't care if it's politics, the weather or his childhood. Let him talk and hang to every word. 

For those of us without our dads, we will honor them through memories and flowers  but more importantly by living out all that our dads worked so hard to teach us. There is no better gift I could give my dad today than to raise my kids the way he raised me, teaching them to work hard, be honest, and be kind to others.

Happy Father's Day, N.G.! You're still The Man.

What To Do With All That Produce (How to Blanch)

We have already been blessed with an abundance of yellow squash and bush beans from our garden this year. We wanted to freeze the majority of our goods before they went to waste and were told that we would first need  to "blanch" our veggies. Of course, my first thought was....

Ok, so that's not the Blanch(e) they were referring to (although I do love those Golden Girls. R.I.P.) I first went to Google for the why and then to my mom, the guru of all things in general, for the how. Mom said she'd come on over to help, so I then called the hubs to pick up some BBQ, threw together a quick squash casserole with some of our bounty and I was ready to host my first ever blanch party. 

First, why bother blanching....

 1. It seals in color, flavor & nutrients making for some bright, yummy, healthy veggies.

2. It stops the enzymes that cause the veggies to ripen and ruin even while frozen, so they will look just as good coming out of the freezer as they did going in.

Now on to the how...

1. The prepwork: Snap the beans (break off end pieces and discard them then break beans into whatever length you want them - about 1 inch for us) and slice the squash. This is the fun part where you get to do your chatting and catching up. 

We had already washed the veggies as soon as they came out of the garden, but we washed them again anyway.

2. Bring veggies to a boil.

 (Some of the websites I looked at said to add salt to water, but we didn't. It is very important not to over boil. Beans were left in maybe a minute or two past the point of boiling but as soon as the squash's water started to boil they were taken out.

 For the squash (because I only had one of these), I used this pot:

3. Drain hot water.

4. Carefully (especially with the squash) transfer veggies into large bowl of ice water.

5. Remove ice by hand and drain water by pouring back into colander.

6. At this point, I did dry the squash a bit (carefully) so it wouldn't stick together in the bag as much.

7. Label and freeze (or eat/cook). Some people blanch just for the benefit of the locked-in color, flavor and nutrition and would at this point eat or cook the produce. For us, it's time to store them in gallon zip-lock freezer bags (be sure to get as much air as possible out of the bag when closing it) and put them in the deep freeze.

The Sparks Experience (Part 1)

The girl-child's teacher and guidance counselor first made the suggestion of Asperger's during the fall/winter of her 1st grade year, 2012. The school brought in an excellent psychologist who we still see today and we got the initial diagnosis just before we were released for summer break. This would have been enough for an IEP (if her school offered them) but apparently some places/insurances require more thorough testing and our doctor made the referrals to Vanderbilt and the Sparks Clinic at UAB where they would perform more detailed evaluations (whichever could see us first). We knew the wait would be long so were surprised when we got an appt at Vandy in late Oct (or maybe it was early November) of 2013. We drove up only to see a Nurse Practitioner who ruled out any underlying medical causes of the symptoms we had seen and said that the girl-child should indeed be tested for an autism spectrum disorder (duh) so back on the waiting list we went. They said it would be 4-6 months. We were able to get on the "in case of cancellation" list at UAB since fortunately my job allows me to take off with short notice. 8 months later, we got the call. We received word on Tuesday that there was a cancellation for Thursday at 8:30 so I made the calls to work and for childcare for the baby and on Thursday morning, the girl-child and I arrived.

Reception:

The waiting room was much better than I'd expected. There were plenty of toys, books, and a movie going. Only 1 other child was there when we arrived. He was apparently on the non-verbal end of the spectrum and was having some serious behavioral issues. Adding to the mom's problem of keeping him in check was the fact that they had arrived 3 hours early for his appointment. My girl seemed to at first be a little upset by his noise and magazine-throwing and sat looking quiet and a little scared. We received our schedule for the day and of upcoming appointments as well as two pages of suggestions for nearby lunch places and fun places nearby to fill any gaps in the schedule and I tried to entertain her (and distract her from the commotion) by discussing our options for lunch. Fortunately, we didn't have long to wait.

Hearing:

The first appointment on our list was a hearing check. My first thought when the group of young ladies came to the door to call us back for the appointment was, "Where are the adults?" They all looked so young! We went into what basically looked like a bomb shelter and the girl-child was given two soft earbuds to put in. Through an observation window, the girl-child was observed raising her hand in response to a series of beeps. She repeated back a series of words such as "airplane" and then we were done. Nothing wrong with her hearing except a bad case of "Selective Hearing". Sometimes she decides she doesn't want to hear so she pretends not to.

Occupational Therapy:

After going back to the waiting room (the door had now been closed to barricade in the poor child who still had a solid 2 hours before his appointment), we were pretty much immediately called back for OT testing. I was allowed to sit behind an observation window as the girl-child traced lines, dribbled tennis balls and put pegs into small holes demonstrating her motor skill ability. I then was called in and interviewed about my take on her motor skill difficulties and what I hoped to obtain from the visit (diagnosis, extra services, etc.) While I talked, the girl-child played games with the staff and began to loosen up.

Speech/Language:

We were again taken back to the waiting room (the 3 hour wait kid must have finally been taken back) and again were immediately called back for the Speech/Language segment of the testing. We started with basically the same questions for me as in the OT session and then I was allowed to step into the observation room while the girl-child was assessed. To me it seemed more like her comprehension skills were being assessed than her speech skills (ex:"Show me the picture of someone who has been doused; "The man said 'I think I'll hit the sack.' What did he do?"). Some of the questions seemed hard for an 8 year-old (ex: "The box is posterior to the ball. Point to the picture that corresponds). While the girl-child had completely found her groove and was making her usual jokes and cutting up with the girls performing the interview when we first started the Speech/Language portion of the testing (still not sure of all of their credentials but at this point I had figured out that one was a speech intern who would follow us throughout the process), she soon started getting tired, hungry and started having (I thought) trouble with focus. She had to ask for questions to be repeated several times which was apparently not allowed to be done. She started looking nervous, frustrated and and getting fidgety. It was time for a lunch break. As 12:00 rolled around, I was on the verge of stopping the test and telling them she needed a break. Finally, they also realized the time and called me back into the room. Apparently the test was supposed to continue until she missed so many (4 maybe?) in a row and since she wasn't missing any, they had to  keep going. (Go, girl child!)  After the scoring process of this OWLS evaluation as it was called was explained to me, we were turned loose on the streets of 5-Points Birmingham for lunch. (PTL!)

Lunch:

We walked the .20 miles through 5-Points, dodging cigarette smoke and cars, to Mellow Mushroom where the girl-child ordered world's largest slice of pepperoni pizza only to take two bites and remember that she doesn't like Mellow Mushroom's pizza. We were a bit rushed getting back and the 5-Points area is busy, loud and a little scary to two girls from the country, one of whom doesn't do loud, unexpected noises very well. If I could call a Mulligan, we'd have brought our lunch and eaten in the courtyard at the clinic. On the walk back, we got stuck behind two large ladies (no room to pass on the sidewalk) walking, talking and blowing their cigarette smoke into our air. Leave it to my walking Public Service Announcement to let them know, "We just heard a commercial on the radio that said that cigarette smoking leads to gum disease and you could lose your teeth." Ha! True that! We made it back to the clinic just in time for our one last appointment.

Vision:

This time, a pretty blonde lady named Dr. Dinkle and her side-kick (assistant? student?) came to get us with a pile of paperwork for me to fill out while they dilated the girl-child's eyes. (From my understanding, this optometry department is seperate from the Sparks Clinic, hence the need for additional paperwork. They submit their findings to Sparks and it all goes into one big report in the end, but billing, etc. is seperate.) It wasn't until I had finished my paperwork and she came out of the exam room that I realized the breakdown had begun. She totally did not understand why her eyes were being dilated and thought she was being blinded for the rest of the day. We spent the next 45 mins back in the reception area talking silly selfies, using my camera phone to document the progression of her eyes' dilation, calling Nana and basically doing whatever we could to avoid an all-out freak-out. 

By the time Dr Dinkle and friend came back to get us, the girl-child was sure she was going blind, would never see again and it was all my fault for bringing her to such a horrible place. Fortunately, she was must not have been the first child to have this reaction and toys were brought out to distract her through the eye exam. (Good, sensory stimulating, flashing, squishy ball-toys. Yay, Dr. Dinkle!) While they did decide the girl-child is somewhat farsighted and has a slight astigmatism, Dr. Dinkle didn't think we were at the point of glasses. Unless the girl-child starts to have problems such as headaches, we will follow up with them in one year and, if things have worsened, we may need to consider reading glasses. 

The fun:

Since we are frequent visitors to Birmingham for appointments (we see our beloved Dr. Le, Christian children's book writer and most importantly psychologist specializing in childhood ASD's, about every 6 weeks) we are always on the lookout for cool stuff to do in the 'Ham to add a little fun/adventure to each trip. Today we hit up Steel City Pops for a victory reward after the long day of testing (about 6 1/2 hours). Their popsicles, featured in Alabama Living's June 2014 "Worth the Drive" article, are made from whole ingredients with many of the ingredients coming from nearby farms and producers. SO YUMMY.

What's next:

We are scheduled to complete the psychology part of the evaluation process on June 30. Our parent conference with them isn't scheduled until Aug 4. We still have the above "on the autism waiting list" stamp on our schedule. Does this mean we have more waiting to do? Is there more to the test than what we are already scheduled for? Why the crap did I not ask while I was there? (Mom-bomb fail!) For now, we just carry on.

The Atticus Incident (To Tell or Not to Tell)

During our recent beach trip, the girl-child had been in the pool playing happily for awhile while I lounged pool-side with the hubs when I started hearing the voice of an annoyed mother who had obviously gone into Mother Bear mode saying loudly enough to make sure all parties heard, "Just don't worry about it, Atticus. If you say hello to someone and they don't say hello back, just don't worry about it." She was obviously worried about it, but I didn't really pay her much mind until a few minutes later she announced, "Atticus when people are rude to you, just let it go. You tried to play with her. She obviously doesn't want to play with you so just leave her alone", again in her loud enough to be heard by all, Mother Bear voice. About that time, I see my girl-child surface from a lap across the pool and yell, "I won! You came in second." Atticus (and obviously his mom) had no idea a race had begun. They thought the girl-child was ignoring him. She WAS playing with him, she just hadn't let him know. Without thinking, I hopped up from my chair before Mama Bear could make another angry comment directed towards my baby (and I assume me for being a crappy parent and not teaching my child how to treat others, from her point of view) and headed into the water and up to where Atticus and his Mama Bear stood. "What's going on? Is this about my child in the pink swimsuit?", I asked. "Well, Atticus keeps trying to play with her and she just keeps ignoring him", she replied. While the mama bear in ME wanted to reply, "Then why don't you do what you've been making sure we all could hear you tell Atticus to do, and just let it go?", I instead went into the "My Child Has Asperger's" spill and explained that social skills aren't her strong point and then tried to use the experience as a social skills lesson to get the girl-child to interact with Atticus appropriately. 

When you meet my child, you won't know that she has a "disability". She is bright, funny and exceptionally smart in many areas. She looks just like any other 8 year-old girl. She most likely will come off as just being quiet, introverted, quirky and maybe just a little rude. But in truth, she very well could have spent the whole beach trip surrounded by other kids her age and not interacted with any of them....and not cared a thing about it. That she thought she was playing with Atticus was a pretty big deal for her. 

After I had goaded the girl-child into telling Atticus "bye" and headed up to the room with her, I wondered should I have done that? Should I have made what could have been perceived as an excuse for the girl-child's actions (or non-actions)? Was it anyone else's business, especially a stranger who was, in my opinion, being rude herself? We have had the debate over to tell or not to tell over and over for the past year and a half since we first heard the "A"- word. First, it was do we tell the girl-child? We hesitated because we have never, ever, EVER wanted her to think she is in any way flawed or less than perfect. She isn't. AT ALL. Her brain is not broken. It doesn't malfunction. I even hate to refer to her as "disabled." Her beautiful little mind just works a bit differently, in it's own perfect way. We tell her that because she is SO smart, and because some things come so easy to her, other things are harder and we have to work to find the right ways for us to teach those things to her. We hesitated to tell her because we don't want her to use her diagnosis as a crutch. We don't let her get away with not finishing assignments or not doing things because they are hard. We are continuously pushing her to do things outside of her comfort zone. Her diagnosis may be an explanation, but it is not an excuse. We hesitated to tell others because of the fear of the label. We don't want her treated differently, babied or excluded because the way her mind works has a name. All of our minds work differently, after all.

We have started telling others because it is necessary. Necessary for her well-being (We feel teachers, doctors, etc. need to be informed to be able to help her best) and in all honesty, for mine, as well. When we got the diagnosis (or actually, I should say the suggestion of the diagnosis as the diagnosis itself was a long-time coming [whole nother blog]), after the initial shock and denial wore off, I started reading everything I could get my hands on about autism spectrum disorders. It was overwhelming, scary, and while some ASD traits were dead on, so much seemed not to apply to my girl-child and/or just upset me further for no good reason. The autism spectrum varies so greatly from one end to the other and I have yet to read about or meet another child just like mine. I eventually decided the books aren't for me. At least, not right now. The answers I was looking for weren't there. There is no known cause of ASD (although there are many theories). There is no cure and no definitive best treatment in any of those books. There is no roadmap. What has helped more than anything has been talking with other ASD parents. In order to find those parents, we have to speak up and say that we are right there with them and invite those parents to share with us and let us share with them. I want to read their blogs and I want them to read mine. Maybe something that has worked for us will work for them and vice versa. Maybe my blog will also help others like Atticus's Mama Bear understand the way my girl-child and others like her operate and be less ready to go on the defensive when they think one of these children is mistreating her child. 

This has been the hardest blog to figure out an ending for. Should I have raced into that pool all-guns-blazing ready to take on Atticus's mama and go bear vs. bear like something off of Wild America? Was this a "to tell" moment? I'm still not 100% sure if I made the right call. I have met parents who have chosen not to even have the testing done to obtain the diagnosis for a child they are sure is on the spectrum in an effort to avoid the labeling. They choose not to tell. I completely understand that point of view as well. We all do what we feel is best for our children. And again, we're all learning as we go. 

Best of the Beach

Our favorite destination for a quick, or preferably less-than-quick, vacay-get-away is the Alabama Gulf Coast. The hubs and I have both been frequent coastal visitors since childhood. We married and honeymooned there and have made the drive atleast once a year since. On this year's Summer vacation, I decided to document what we consider the best of the beach. 

Best Place to Stay;

The Beach Club, Fort Morgan

Off the beaten path, away from the crowds of Gulf Shores, The Beach Club resort in Fort Morgan is an ideal haven for relaxing. With 4 large outdoor pools, kiddie pools, hot tubs, an indoor pool, arcade, playground, parasailing and resort-hosted activities for everyone including everything from water Zumba to belly flop contests, there's also always plenty to do for fun. Get a schedule from the clubhouse on your way in (you do have to pay extra for clubhouse access and activities, but IMO it's worth it) and you can be in-the-know of all the goings on. There's also a mercantile, two restaurants, creamery (hello, ice cream!), and pizza delivery on the property. While it's quite a little drive from town, if you hit the supermarket at the end of Fort Morgan Rd on your way in, you could spend your whole vacation here without ever having to leave. If you do want to venture out, there's a great restaurant, Tacky Jack's, nearby. 

Best Gumbo:

Blalock Seafood & Specialty Market

One meal of every Gulf vacation is dedicated as the Wright Family Shrimp Boil. Blalock Seafood & Specialty Market (there's one in Gulf Shores as well as Orange Beach) provides the gumbo, shrimp and bread. We take it to the condo, boil the shrimp and we eat until it hurts. It's never a bad idea to pick up a cooler of gumbo packed to travel on the way home either.

Best Extra $5 EVER

Kangaroo Encounter, Alabama Gulf Coast Zoo

The Alabama Gulf Coast Zoo, located in Gulf Shores, has been featured in a 13-episode Animal Planet series titled "The Little Zoo that Could". The zoo has recently decided to become the world's first environmentally sustainable zoo built from the ground up. It's also the perfect zoo-venture for my animal-loving, short attention spanned, girl-child. While you can see and do everything in an hour to an hour and a half, there is plenty of cool stuff for kids and adults alike to enjoy. The zoo has a petting zoo, daily shows and most awesomely, animal encounters. For just a little extra dinero, you can get in on one of these encounters such as the kangaroo encounter where you can not only pet, but also hold, baby joeys. There's also a reptile encounter with an anaconda, a lemur encounter and (by reservation only) a tiger cub encounter. The tiger cub encounter was a bit more costly, but all others were $5-$10 each. Seeing the girl-child's face as she was "kissed" (licked) by a baby kangaroo = priceless! 

Best Fun with a Side of Food

LuLu's 

Owned by and named for Jimmy Buffet's "crazy sista'" Lucy, LuLu's is hard to best for fun and food for the fam. The kids LOVE the sand and games during the wait. (Be warned, they are extremely likely to leave wet and sandy.) Over the years, LuLu's has been the backdrop of many favorite Wright family memories. In 2010, we had our wedding reception at LuLu's and enjoyed celebrating with family and a couple close friends while dolphins played in the Intracoastal Waterway running alongside the diner. That's hard to beat. In 2013, we enjoyed the annual Noon Year's Eve party at LuLu's, where we early birds and kids rang in the New Year at 12 noon, complete with countdown and beach ball drop. But it doesn't take a holliday or special occasion for LuLu's to get to rockin'. With live music daily, the Bama Breeze Bar and super-fun atmosphere, there's always a great time to be had. Last but certainly not least, LuLu's serves up some yummy food to go with all the fun. The hubs loves the mahi tacos while I stick with the Cheeseburger in Paradise, add grilled pineapple and 'shrooms, please! 

We love, love, LOVE (did I mention we love?) the Alabama Gulf Coast. There are hundreds of places to visit and things to do that I could recommend. However the absolute BEST thing to do while at the beach, in my opinion, is always to just enjoy the beach. Jump the waves, grab a light and chase crabs at night or just relax and let waves wash the worries away!

Why We Dance

I enrolled the girl-child in "Creative Movement" classes shortly after she learned to walk. I had dreams of having a little ballerina and then possibly branching out into the world of competitive dance and cheerleading. I had a plan. God had his. 

The girl-child was nothing but cute in her tiny "Suzy Snowflake" costume and the next year as well in the little pink princess-like tutu she and the other toddlers twirled about in, not really in any kind of unison, but precious all the same. 

Her third year of dance we, along with a few other parents and girls, decided to try a different school. The new school was great. The teachers seemed much more patient, most of the girls seemed to really come along in their dancing and the girl-child loved her teachers, Mrs. Emily and "Sweet Sue" as they were called. Looking back, these teachers are probably the only reason the girl-child wanted... well, maybe I should say agreed to....take a fourth year of dance. 

By this point, most of the other girls were able to stay in time with each other. They focused throughout their routine and no longer just did their own cute little things like when they were younger. Not my girl-child, however. During the few times we were let in to watch the classes, she looked bored, uninterested and couldn't focus on what she was supposed to be doing. Around this same time, I was learning new words like "Asperger's", "ADD" and "autism spectrum" and, while children with Asperger's generally have a limited area of interests that they master and basically become little geniuses in, dancing (at least in this setting) was obviously not one of a the girl-child's such interests. So, being as we aren't quitters, we stuck it out through the recital, then hung up her 

slippers. 

Was I disappointed? Maybe for a second in the beginning until we started discovering more of what her areas of expertise are (animals, science, etc.) and I am so proud of her that I couldn't care less that she will most likely never be a dancer or a cheerleader. In fact, I'm a little relieved. I never have to worry about seeing her little heart break in front of my eyes if she doesn't make the team or the squad. As an Aspie, she dances to the beat of her own drum. She may not always be the leader, but she is definately not a follower. She is unique and special and wonderful in a million different ways and we still dance. Oh, do we ever dance! We clear the living room floor, turn on some beats and let loose. We have a little "routine" we do where we twirl each other and it ends in a dip. We aren't afraid to break this out anywhere, and have been known to do so on a crowded downtown street when a band was playing and we felt the call. We just park the baby's stroller and let her watch us do our thing. Sometimes now, the baby will even dance along, swaying back and forth or side to side. 

We dance because life is hard. The special way her mind works may make it a little extra hard for her. It may make it a little extra hard for me. I have to figure out new ways to teach her things because I honestly believe with the right type of teaching, she can learn anything and will go extremely far in life, as brilliant as she is. She will probably be a scientist and discover a new species of animal or an engineer or a lawyer (she loves to argue!) I just may have to fight for her at times to make sure she gets the services she needs. And, inevitably, at some point, it will be hard for both of us because the other kids will realize she's a little different and some may be cruel. When they do, it will be my job to comfort her. I will remind her of all of the things about her that are beautiful and perfect and then we will clear the living room floor and we will dance like we don't have a care in the world. 

Packing for Dummies

  Please don't take the title of this blog to mean that I am packing for a bunch of dummies. That's not what I mean. I called it "Packing for Dummies" because much of what I am about to tell you may seem obvious or be common knowledge, but somehow, I managed to miss out on these helpful hints until I had two kids and it became imperative that I lighten our load when traveling. So, "Packing for Dummies" refers to the instruction of packing for those of us who didn't already know and for those of us who have done things like take a seperate suitcase just for our shoes on a weekend trip from north Alabama to Miami, even though we would be in the car longer than at the actual event. (Well, I should actually say I PACKED a seperate suitcase. I wound up leaving it sitting outside my apartment building and not realizing I'd done so until I was hours away. See? "Packing for Dummies" really is an appropriate title.) 

1. The List:

 

   The first thing I have learned to do is to start making a list ahead of time. I use our chalkboard cabinet (see many various Pinterest pages for instructions) and just add to it during the week(s) before the trip when you remember something you need to bring. It's not necessary to get extremely specific (yellow shorts, white tank top, etc.) but it is a good idea to remind yourself to pack iPads, chargers, sunscreen, etc. I never start the actual packing until the day before. If I start sooner, I will need something I've packed or forget what has/hasn't been packed, so while I may start gathering, I never actually put things in the suitcase. Once I do start packing, I erase the items from the board as they go into the suitcase or car.  Before we walk out the door, we make sure the board is completely erased.

2. For the kids:

   The best idea I ever ran across on Pinterest was from tipjunkie.com. The idea is to put kids' outfits in gallon zip-lock bags, 1 outfit per bag. Include underwear, shoes, accessories and when  you are at your destination, kids just grab a bag and get ready each day. It's all right there for them.  (Take it easy earth-friendly friends. I have been using the same gallon zip-lock bags for years. I just store them inside the pockets of the girl's suitcases where they will be handy for the next time I pack.)

   Also, use a backpack instead of a diaper bag. I don't know how it took me two kids to figure this one out, but it's much easier toting a baby with a backpack on then while trying to keep a diaper bag on your shoulder.

3. The big folks: roll your clothes instead of folding. It saves space and reduces wrinkles. 

   Also, just as with the kids, set limits. Kids get the usual electronic gadgets and books plus 1 small stuffed animal each and mom gets 3 pair of shoes. (Give me a break here. I have come a long way since the Miami shoe suitcase days, but a girl still needs black, brown and running shoes.)

  I always overpacked because I was so afraid I'd need something and not have it. However, up until this point, I have never been anywhere where I couldn't get the item I've needed. Make your list ahead of time and stick to it. No throwing in extras you "might" need! Also, keep in mind, the less you pack, the less you will have to unpack!

  

What's Up With the Name?

Welcome to the I am the Mom-Bomb.com Blog. In this first issue we will address some basic questions that should be asked of any blog:

1. Why did you decide to start this blog?

2. What is the blog going to be about?

3. What's up with the name?

4. Do you really think you are the "Mom-Bomb.com"?

Let's start by answering question #1. Easy answer: All my friends were getting a blog and I wanted one, too. Really. That's pretty much it.

#2. What am I going to blog about? Mostly my kids, our life and the projects and we do. A more appropriate name for this blog might have been, "Life for Idiots", because I feel like that's my basic skill level when it comes to teaching anything about life. So, maybe I should say it's going to be about the trials and errors of raising a child on the autism spectrum and her little sister. We will learn together as we go because as they say, "If you know one kid with autism, you know one kid with autism." Kids on the spectrum are all so very different and they forget to give us a roadmap when they give us their diagnosis. So, we try this, try that, have some fun as we go, and apparently write a blog about it. For future blogs, I plan on sharing some ideas that have helped tremendously with getting the girl-child as I will affectionately call her (we also have the fur-baby -although the girl-child will be quick to tell you that poodles have hair, not fur, and the Tooter-baby [yes, she will hate me for that name later in life]) to bathe herself and brush her teeth, two things I hope parents of atypical children do not take for granted because in our world, it's like climbing Mt. Everest at times. We have also done some fun Pinterest projects I want to share as well as some oh-so-yummy but easy treats.

3. What's up with the name? I am the mom.com was taken. The girl-child (as you will see she is extremely bright and witty) helped me come up with the name.

4. Do I really think I am the Mom-Bomb.com? Absolutely, not. As already indicated, I realize that I have no clue what I am doing the majority of the time. All I really know how to do is love my babies with all I have and "keep on swimming" which brings me to another main purpose of this blog: to remind us all that sometimes, even when you feel like a total L-7 weenie, confused and lost as all get-out, you still have to pull it together, pull your shoulders back, chin up, (maybe even look in the mirror all Stuart Smalley-like) and tell yourself, "I am the Mom-Bomb.com" (or something similar) and just do the best you can.

I am looking forward to sharing this adventure of life and all it's wackiness with you. Hopefully, you'll run across something you can use or atleast learn what I have: God always knows what we need. For me, it was a child who needed me just a little bit more. As I try to teach her, she daily teaches me more!

With my loves (thanks to Allyson Holliday for the photography!)

The Hair-not fur-Baby and the Tooter-Baby:

The Girl-Child: